I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
