I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
