I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
