The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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