just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
