i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
