I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
