fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hippo gnu deer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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