can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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