she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
