just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize