What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
