well I can't set my house on fire every night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize