Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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