beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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