I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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