Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
