I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
