Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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