We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
