I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
