She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
