checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
high people should be assigned attendants
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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