Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
