i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
