Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
