I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
