did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
