I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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