I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
