I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize