i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
