Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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