...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
