Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
