Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ladies don't puke and tell
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
