i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
