Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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