He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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