You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
