Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
