I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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