come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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