Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
