he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
