he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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