I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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