i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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