There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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