i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
