i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
