My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
