he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How drunk are you?
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