So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
