just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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