hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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