He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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