ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
