there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
