Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
