I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
