I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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