jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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