If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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