The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
