im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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